By Special Guest Author:
Expert Relationship Adviser.
There are failed marriages and there are successful marriages. What sets them apart is not really the absence of arguments and fights, I mean, that’s just way too impossible.
In fact, it is the presence of such that stretches any successful marriage into long and solid fruitful years of intimacy and togetherness.
You would be surprised to know that most couples who are able to stand the test of time actually had to battle it out not only against gigantic issues like that of infidelity, incompatibility and maybe homosexuality.
Most couples had to, albeit surprisingly, outdo trivial matters like failure to answer a text message, not noticing the new haircut, not appreciating the new room décor, etc.
In my experience, the key to a long-lasting marriage includes passing through some tiny holes and overcoming a few icebergs. Now that sounds like some Herculean task, but it really isn’t.
Living up to the ideals of a “happily ever after” is after all more than just a figment of our imagination. Here are some of the common marital issues couples go through along with time-tested tips on how to outsmart them.
Keeping the friendship: An ultimate must
Being husband and wife never equates to being friends no more. As a matter of fact, staying friends even after marriage is one the most effective ways to keep the lustre of relationship shining through.
This will screen the marriage against unwanted issues of infidelity or the like. Sharing intimate moments, staying late at night over a cup of coffee, watching movies after a tiring day and getting silly in bed are just some of the perks couples should not take for granted.
Over time, couples would naturally have to deal with less exciting intimate moments. As the relationship progresses, couples get driven apart by their own marital responsibilities putting their precious intimate moments to a rot.
What used to be a moment to look forward is now gradually set aside, when it should, at all costs, be protected.
Intimacy is too good a thing to let go. It contains the magical ingredient to a long-lasting companionship. Marriage intimacy may mean a lot of things to different people.
But any definition should encompass the three most important components of an intimate marriage—sexual connection, emotional connection and spiritual connection.
Do not forget that these components work together to keep married couples happily together. It works like a string that holds the marriage together. Without any emotional connection, you would be nothing but two strangers who tied the knot for some strong reason as love-that-never-stayed-for-good.
And since either of you fail to connect, the overwhelming tendency to spoil the marriage forever will always be hanging in mid-air constantly hinting on evil suggestions of quitting it altogether. The thing is that losing that kind of emotional connection may happen from time to time.
The demands of work, pressure from peers, and a stressful environment all working together to get you and your husband apart are nothing compared to a sincere intent of saving and nurturing the relationship.
What will satiate the emotional gap is a combination of a naughty and nice remedy that usually ranges from a romantic candle-light dinner to a naughty game of Strip Boticelli to a sweet shower together.
It is not bad to lose yourself once in a while and take that plunge into the exciting, erotic-filled adventure with your hubby if it means keeping the marriage an intimate union of souls.
Spiritual connection comes in intimate moments of togetherness. You would be delighted to find out that you have just restored the spark that united the two of you as a couple in the first place.
Family: First and always the number one priority
One of the reasons to a failed marriage is setting wrong priorities. Keeping the relationship going should not end after exchanging vows and I do’s. Whatever couples decide to do, whether it is work, studies or a business venture, it always has to go back to the focal point: family.
The moment individuals marched down the aisle for a life of togetherness is the very moment they chose to build their own family. It doesn’t really matter how many kids there are.
What matters most is how the couple consider each other as family that should be number priority, come what may. After all, what makes the relationship burn even brighter is the amount of time and value the couples chose to invest in it.
Money, money, money: It really shouldn’t be about the money
It is usually expensive to be married. But it is equally harmful an option not to get married. Married couples who are dealing with financial woes need not chicken out. The best strategy to address this problem is to start talking about it.
Couples need to be perfectly honest about their financial situation and work together to improve it. A change in lifestyle and a few other sacrifices would also help ease the situation.
It would also be helpful if couples would decide on allocating the bills, constructing a joint budget that includes savings, and allowing each to have some independence by setting aside some money to be spent at his/her discretion.
Most of all, avoid approaching the subject in the heat of a battle. Money is such a sensitive topic and you may want to approach it by being a little more considerate.
Home Chores: Who’s going to do what
Yes, it may be trivial. But it is nonetheless an issue that some married couples simply cannot solve. It is of utmost importance to fairly divide the labour at home especially for couples who work outside the home and often at more than one job.
Delegating tasks is a good way to avoid resentment over matters that could otherwise be safely discussed.
If handling the chores just isn’t the type of thing both you and your husband is willing to take, then availing some cleaning services would both do you good. The most important thing is that you don’t struggle with this issue for far too long.
Elizabeth Davis is a well known and respected relationship adviser. Visit her website RelationshipsAdvice.co where she offers free, no-holds-barred counseling, friendship and support to anyone experiencing difficulties in their relationship. You can also get in touch with Liz on her Facebook Fanpage.