Problems in a marriage have a way of creeping up on a relationship without being immediately visible. In fact, when you are involved in a long term relationship, sometimes it’s hard to see the wood for the trees, and it takes only the most basic advice for you to see what is wrong. If this sounds like something that may apply to your current marriage situation, read on!
1) Be honest with yourself about what is and isn’t working. If you lie to yourself by pretending everything is fine when it isn’t, things are unlikely to get better. As a matter of fact, you will usually notice things getting steadily worse. The sooner you spot and admit to existing problems, the sooner you can move past them. Half the work is done as soon as you admit something is wrong, so don’t be afraid to be true to yourself.
2) Learn to communicate effectively. Too often relationships degenerate into accusations and fighting as the default method of interaction. Can you honestly hope for things to last if that’s how you and your spouse behave? If you have something under your skin, sit down and speak it out. Talking about things sensibly rarely makes things worse, unlike accusations and arguing which are guaranteed to send things down the slope.
3) Learn the difference between being in love and falling in love. When you fall in love, the person can do no wrong and people are able to behave in ways that their partner may not necessarily agree with in a “normal” state of mind. That’s why it can take work to stay in love – Love is like a fire: it sometimes needs to be tended to make sure it still burns.
4) Understand that you can’t fix the problems in your marriage exclusively by fixing your partner’s behavior. A marriage is exactly that – the joining of two people – so it’s not healthy to make one person do all the changing and adapting. This will not lead to a healthy relationship. It’s much better to sit and talk things out and then work out how you can both make them better for each other. It’s also a lot easier this way, as, most of the time, each of you will only need to make small adjustments to keep the other one happy.
5) Understand the principles of marriage karma. You get what you give, so if you go the extra yard for your partner and prove yourself to be kind, caring and considerate, chances are your spouse will act a lot more like that toward you too. Think about when you see couples that are really in love- It’s rarely just one of them doing the kind things, right?
We wish you the absolute best and that this advice for a healthy marriage will help you out!